As many of you know, my life has changed dramatically in the last year. I became a mama, we moved to our first single family home (with a yard!), I bought a new (to me) car, and (soon) my job is moving out of state. Last January when I realized all of these life events were going to happen in the next year and a half, I panicked. Who wouldn’t? New home, new family member, new commute, new job? Eek.
Over the course of the year, though, we have been immensely fortunate. We have the most incredible network of friends, family, and acquaintances. Without all of the love and support that has coming pouring in over the last year, I would still be in that state of panic. Although things aren’t totally settled yet (my job change will occur over the spring and summer), I think things are starting to feel more normal. Still, sometimes I cannot believe how different my life is this December from last. A few days ago I was taking my dogs for a quick stroll trough our new neighborhood while the baby napped, and felt a little like a ghost watching my own life. Whose house is this? Do I really live on this quiet deadend street? Is this incredible little baby, who I love more than I ever could have imagined loving anyone, really mine to keep forever?
Then, this morning JRR Tolkein’s often quoted poem popped into my mind: “All that is gold does not glitter…” YES. This should be tattooed on my forehead. My life has been an incredible series of amazing accidents. Many of my most happy events were accidental occurrences. Some examples: finding Salem, meeting my husband, my current employment. Many times, though, events immediately preceding these occurrences, appear to have negativity associated with them. I wouldn’t have found MG if it weren’t for a terrible breakup a few weeks earlier, I wouldn’t have found my job if I didn’t leave my preschool classroom in tears one day… You see? These “gold” events did not immediately “glitter”.
The next line of this poem also describes my life this year. Have you seen the movie “Wanderlust”? You know, the one about a chick who can’t decide what to do with her life? Should she pitch a movie to HBO? Maybe a jewelry maker? A children book illustrator? An ice-cream store owner?
Yes. That’s me. Exactly. I’ve talked about owning a cupcake store, opening a book store, being a preschool teacher, teaching high school English, running an animal non-profit, getting another office job because it pays the bills… My hobbies are endless – I’m not a pro at any of them, but every so often I like to knit, play guitar, paint with water colors, dance… I’m an endless wanderer. And I love that. So, with this next year, I’m going to continue being that endless wanderer, and remember that I’m not lost. The gold will glitter when it’s time, and maybe I will find my way eventually. But, if I don’t, that’s ok, too, because I have all of you. Thank you for all of your kindness and support this year.
Cheers to an amazing 2013, and hopes for an even better 2014.